The Ceremony

On September 19, Jesse and Laura got married. Here is the ceremony that I prepared for them......

I’d like to welcome all of you to this wonderful celebration we’re having today. I have to tell you, I find it both amazing and incredibly heartwarming not just to see so many familiar faces, but to realize the distances -- in many cases, great distances -- that so many of you have traveled just to be here. We have folks here from Mississippi, of course, but also Louisiana, Colorado, California, Oregon, Florida, Massachusetts, New York, Ohio, Illinois, Maryland, Virginia, Washington D.C., Delaware, North Carolina, and, yes, even a few from South Carolina. Have I left anyone out? I want to thank all of you for taking the time, for making the effort, to be here and sharing in what is obviously a very special day for us.

Before we proceed, may I ask please who is presenting the bride? Thank you John; thank you Gail.

Laura and Jesse, imagine meeting you here today. Who would have thought even just a few short years ago that one day the three of us would be standing right here right now like this? But, here we are. And, what an extraordinary day it is. I suspect everyone here, if asked, could describe for you in vivid detail the most special days in their lives, but, speaking for myself, I can tell you that there are precious few of them where we can honestly say that we find ourselves surrounded by all of the most important people in our lives: Your family, your friends -- all the people through whom no doubt you can trace every significant step (and misstep) you have taken along the way. There are some people here today who know you as no one else does. They know your strengths, your weaknesses, your idiosyncrasies, your history, your secrets. And, they love you. So, as I say, days like this don’t come along very often. Enjoy these moments and remember them.

I know your relationship started seven or so years ago as a dating one. But, I seem to recall that at some point fairly early on, you deepened that relationship by becoming good friends as well. You learned to trust each other, to rely on each other, and to look out for one another. Essentially, you began the process of becoming partners in each other’s lives. Believe me, I know there were no shortages of parties and good times in those years, but all of us here also know that since those days the two of you have gotten down to the business of sharing your lives together when it’s not all parties and good times. You now know what it is to pay the bills, to put food on the table, to share in day-to-day responsibilities, and to ride out stressful times. You also know what it is to make plans with a keen eye on each other’s likes and dislikes, not just your own fancies. And, yet, through all of this, you have remained sure of each other’s feelings and, best of all… you have remained happy. The trust the two of you have built up in one another is not something you get automatically by simply signing a marriage license; you have to earn it. And, each of you has done just that.

Jesse -- I know you will recall the steady drumbeat of advice you got from us when you were growing up, especially from your mom: don’t you dare get married before you turn 30, we said. We told you that you really don’t know who you are until then; we told you that you would evolve and grow and that your tastes and values at age 30 will bear little resemblance to those you had at age 20. So -- if you don’t know who you are, how can you expect to go about the business of successfully selecting a partner for life? You remember that, right?

Well, Jess, it’s not that we were wrong, not really. We thought that was sensible advice. What we hadn’t counted on… was Laura. Laura, as you know, you have long since become a part of our family. I sometimes feel as if we have literally traveled the globe with you, from Europe to Costa Rica to Indonesia. I don’t remember when it happened exactly, but at some point Lily and I stopped being “ma’am” and “sir” and we became just plain old “Lily” and “Jeff.” And, I have to tell you how delighted we are in the evolution of our relationship with you.

But, apart from our travels with you, Laura, you and Jesse have truly traveled the world as very few ever get to do --- from Africa, to Europe, to Central and South America, and to Southeast Asia. Those have been amazing times for you both, but I also suspect they were testing times for you as well. You don’t need me to tell you that oftentimes, when you’re traveling under less than the best conditions -- something the two of you know a little something about -- qualities such as patience and tolerance are not the ones that always come to the fore so easily. To me, then, what made your travels so special was not just that they enabled you to learn more about each other, but they enabled you to strengthen a relationship that was already strong. Best of all, they enabled you both to envision a future together as well. That’s why I’m thinking that among the many, many irreplaceable memories each of you have of those journeys are not just the destinations you reached, but memories of how you traveled together as well. Somewhere down those roads, Laura, you not only wowed Lily and me, but, far more importantly, you wowed the fellow standing next to you today.

So, Jesse, here we are today seeing you getting married at age 27 and not 30, which means, Laura, that I can say to you that, in your wonderfully disarming fashion, you pretty much singlehandedly shattered one of the basic parenting lessons we had for both Jesse and Alex. And, I am here to tell you how happy we are that you did...this one time. And, Jesse, how happy we are that you so totally ignored our advice...this one time.

I think what I’m going to say to you here may sound a little trite, Laura, but I promise you that is not my intention. Your bright, sunshiny disposition just makes things better. Your graciousness and your generosity are of a sort that simply cannot be manufactured. You are truly genuine. Gail and John -- I have to tell you, you’ve done good here. You have raised an amazing daughter. Indeed, if I may say so, you have raised three amazing daughters. And, Laura, just as we have come to embrace you, so has your family embraced Jesse both as a son and a brother. From Jackson to Pickwick, you and your family have always made Jesse feel relaxed, comfortable, and loved. And, for that, Lily and I are truly forever grateful.

Jesse -- the personal growth you have shown over the past several years has been simply stunning to me. I can say this, of course, because, as your father, I am hopelessly and irretrievably biased. I raise this issue here only because it sheds light, in part, on why we believe your future with Laura is so promising. You know, Jess, there was a time in your life when your inclination was “to go it alone” and when you would engage in decision-making essentially by falling back on your own instincts, really to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. I can say honestly that is simply no longer the case. Not from what I’ve seen. What you have gained is a measure of humility and, in my book, it is humility that is a basic building block in any enduring relationship. You have learned to learn from others and to trust their judgments alongside your own. Nowhere is this more in evidence, Jess, than in your relationship with Laura. Just judging from our own conversations in recent months when we‘ve talked about your life plans, your goals, your aspirations, I am struck by how mindful you are of Laura’s happiness, not just your own. And, I have to tell you, this is a wonderful omen.

You will recall that some months ago I asked each of you if you would share with me what you believe you have learned from one another. Jesse, you told me that because of Laura’s influence in your life, you are now more patient, more tolerant, more mature. You say you see yourself now as a far better person since Laura entered your life, and those of us who know you best see how much easier it is for you now to get outside that once stoic exterior and express your feelings more openly. Essentially, Jesse, Laura has begun the process of opening you up, and how wonderful is that?

Laura, you told me that because of Jesse you are now far more adventurous and that you see yourself as a far more independent and confident person than you have ever been in your life. You told me also, Laura, that because of Jesse you now strive for better things in your life. These are amazing qualities to learn from one another. What you don’t know -- indeed, what you cannot know yet -- is that as each of you continue to grow and as you continue to share your strengths with one another, each of you will grow in ways you cannot possibly imagine. And, I dare say, they will all be for the good.

I’m a little bit older than the two of you, and I only have the floor for another minute, so, if I may, I’d like to offer a few of my own suggestions to you: be kind to each other, be generous with each other, laugh with each other, listen to each other, and remember that while it is so important for each of you to maintain your own separate identities in this relationship, remember also that whereas you were once two, you are now one. Think that way. I’m smiling as I say these things to you because I know you know these things; I know you understand them, and I know you try to practice them. I’m also smiling because as a father, and a father-in-law, nothing could possibly make me any happier.

I know the two of you have vows you would like to exchange, so, if you would, please turn toward each other and repeat after me.

Jesse: I, Jesse, take thee Laura to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better – for worse, for richer – for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Laura: I, Laura, take thee Jesse to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better – for worse, for richer – for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

May I have the rings, please?

Jesse, please repeat after me: Laura, accept this ring, and with it my promise of faith, patience, and love, for the rest of my life.

And Laura: Jesse, accept this ring, and with it my promise of faith, patience, and love, for the rest of my life.

Jesse and Laura -- In the spirit of God, and with the hopes and wishes of your family and friends, may the happiness you feel at this moment stay with you the rest of your lives. By the authority vested in me by the State of South Carolina, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Jesse -- You may kiss the bride

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time, Jesse and Laura Golland!


Epilogue

When I was getting dressed for the ceremony, I reached into my bureau looking for a nice watch to wear for the occasion. What I came across was a watch belonging to my father, a watch that had not been worn for the 24 years since his death. I put it on. Lying next to it was my mother’s wedding ring, untouched since her passing 18 years ago. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I felt like I was in a circle now completed. I felt whole.

In the ceremony, I said to Jesse and Laura that this would be one of the most special days in their lives. What I had not realized, but soon did, is that this proved to be one of the most special days in my life as well. Surrounded by almost all of the most important people in my life and Lily’s -- family and friends -- and feeling the good will, support and love coming from all, I knew this would signal a moment that would be with me forever. Thank you, Jesse. Thank you, Laura. I love you both so much.