We tend to think of history as something that happens somewhere else, to someone else. To be sure, we feel deeply affected by worldly events no matter how far away they may occur, but history is, for the most part, something we unconsciously reserve to history books. We read about historical events and try to envision what it must have been like to be there, but notwithstanding our best efforts, we are dealing in abstractions here, not gut wrenching realities. Even with respect to current day events, we learn what we know through the TV screen or other forms of mass media. The images on the screen definitely bring these events to life in a way that no printed word can, but even here as you sit in the comfort of your home the reality of this history -- the feel, the smell, the immediacy of it -- are still several steps removed.
That all changed for Alex and me a couple of weeks ago in Paris. It was early evening and, as had had become our new pattern, Alex, Katie and Owen had settled in for a break at the apartment just as Lily and I had in our hotel room, all awaiting a meeting up for dinner once Owen fell asleep. But then Alex got in touch with me sending me urgent images of a cathedral on fire. To be honest, these images which were from a newsfeed, at first did not resonate with me. But, suddenly I realized these were images of the cathedral of Notre Dame. And, yet even in those moments I was somehow doubtful of their truthfulness. But Alex said he would be by in five minutes and said we had to go and witness this. I agreed.
When I went down to the hotel lobby, the desk clerk was unaware of the event. When I mentioned it to him, he frowned and tilted his head in disbelief but then did a quick search on his computer. When the images came up on his screen, he gasped and his hands went to his mouth in a pure statement of shock. Alex appeared and we took off.
As we raced through the narrow streets of the Left Bank and peered into bars along the way, the TVs were all blaring the news of the fire. But, here's where the reality set in. Navigating the narrow streets and heading downhill, the sky was filled with billowing smoke and then, depending on a break in the skyline of the buildings in front of us, the hot orange of flames shooting skyward could be seen. It looked like the whole city was on fire just blocks away. The crowds thickened and soon it became a lava flow as everyone headed for the river. The stress was palpable and contagious among the crowds the closer we got to ground zero.
As we neared the river, we could now see in full view the cathedral in flames. In my life I had never seen flames so large, so high, so sweeping. They were at least thirty to forty feet high and massive in width. They stretched from the back side of the magnificent two front towers to the rear section of the cathedral and its now dearly threatened spire wholly engulfed in flames licking at its very existence. Helicopters would occasionally swoop by. Sirens were the constant soundtrack. Police would be feverishly yelling at people to stand back in efforts to control the lava flow of the many, like Alex and me, wanting or needing to witness history. The gridlocked cars had windows opened, passengers with jaws agape or cameras flashing. The crowds were universally dumbstruck by what they were witnessing. And, many were either openly crying or quietly wiping away tears that just wouldn't stop.
As I stared in bewilderment, I kept wondering where were the fire fighters? All I saw were two streams of water, one near the front, the other near the back of the cathedral which seemed so utterly inadequate in the face of what might not unfairly be described as an Armageddon-like expression of fire. I expected helicopters dousing water from above and boats gorging water from the river. In the panic we were all feeling in those moments, we wanted water coming from every possible source and from every possible direction. No effort seemed sufficient.
The mammoth flames had now devoured enough of the roof to not only tumble the cathedral's beautiful spire, but to fully expose the skeletal timbers of the building's roof. All exposed, they were nothing now but mere kindling to some demonic bonfire and we knew it would only be moments before the entire roof collapsed. But, when it happened it was stunning. In a moment the roof was gone and it was only a question of where the flames would turn to feed their unending appetite. The gasps and moans from the crowd were penetrating to anyone with a soul.
It was just ninety minutes earlier that we had been finishing up our day's explorations when we decided to take a run past Notre Dame. Lily decided to take the stroller and sit in the small but fabulously charming park behind the cathedral while Katie, Alex, Owen and I walked an encircling route around the building taking in the towers, smiling at the gargoyles, dodging the long lines but, as always, taking in an iconic bit of world history. I mean, here is a building that has been with us for close to nine centuries surviving every monstrous act of man and nature that has dotted human history all these centuries. It is part of the reason that Notre Dame is such a world renowned landmark. And yet here it was, in front of our eyes, its existence actually threatened. In those moments, it felt like the undoing of history.
So, this is what experiencing history in the most real sense feels like. I cannot say that I physically felt the heat of those flames, but emotionally I most surely did.
Monday, April 29, 2019
Monday, January 21, 2019
Chaos x 2 = Nirvana
Chaos is a term we tend to throw around rather loosely. Even thoughtlessly, you might say. Just like I'm going to do right now. Normally, we use the term chaos to describe pandemonium or complete dishevelment, a situation so removed from our usual norms that we're at a loss as to how to cope with it. Lord knows, we can all conjure up situations around the globe that give chaos its truest meaning, and I know you know what I mean. But, in our own, mostly controlled, lives we very liberally call upon the term chaos to help describe hiccups in our normal life rhythms, although some hiccups are louder and more disruptive than others.
Lily and I are witnessing first-hand a world gone mad, or, as I've suggested, chaos, having visited the world of Jesse and Laura. Here are two absolutely wonderful people -- our older son and daughter-in-law -- who have been living fabulous lives and whose careers have taken them from Denver to Quito to Mexico City. Living the dream some might say. But, on December 19 they were presented with new additions to their lives, twin sons Oliver and Charlie! Yes, having children is something billions of us go through and not just survive but feel that it thoroughly embellishes our lives. It surely provides us with an unmatchable lifetime experience. But twins? Well...that poses a whole set of challenges most folks never have to face, doesn't it?
It's been decades, of course, since Lily and I had to deal with the dramatic nuances and roller coaster adventures of being parents for the first time. But, having been introduced to grandparenthood for the first time four months ago courtesy of Katie and Alex, those moments of drama, and more importantly, the stresses and rollicking emotions of those early experiences were re-awakened through baby Owen's introduction to life on planet earth. And, with Owen, we witnessed the dislocation of the otherwise established rhythms of daily living to which Alex and Katie had grown so accustomed. You know, the sleep deprivation, the diaper changing, the seemingly endless demands for new supplies and equipment, the disruption of work schedules. And, did I mention sleep deprivation?
So, the chaos (again, if I may use that term) that greets new parents has fondly reached out to Laura and Jesse. In spades. Let's start with the most obvious challenge: who is who? During the term of the pregnancy, Laura and Jesse regularly referred to "baby A" and "baby B." Not that they were abstractions, mind you. It's just that there was no need to tell them apart. But, once having entered the world, all that has changed. And, remember, Oliver and Charlie are identical! Before leaving the hospital, they had the wisdom to paint a couple of Oliver's toenails red which was a great way to distinguish the two little guys. However, 98% of the time the two of them are all swaddled up or, at a minimum, wearing socks, so you can never see their feet! They also had different colored knit caps for each of them but that pattern quickly got messed up as Oliver and Charlie got whatever cap was within arm's reach.
Okay then, so when you're holding one of the babies in your arms and you say, "how YOU doin'?" you really can't be all that certain who you're talking to. Even with Oliver and Charlie passing the one month landmark, both parents not infrequently would not be sure who they were holding. Charlie's head is a bit longer from front to back, but since most of the time the two boys are wearing knit caps that clue isn't all that helpful. Lily believed she saw discernible nuances in a curve in Charlie's nose and a wrinkle in his ear, and she was often right in her identifying guesses. But...not always. I can't wait to see how this mini-drama develops.
Then there's the challenge of keeping the little guys on the same schedule. You have to do this since the alternative means being deprived of any sleep for perhaps the next two years. Not really tenable, right? In the case of Oliver and Charlie, this means getting the little guys up every three hours to feed them regardless of whether they may think of themselves as being hungry or not. During daylight hours this may not seem like an overwhelming burden, but at night? Every night? And, of course, it's not just a matter of awakening the little sleepers and sticking a bottle in their adorable mouths. Oh no. There's the associated burping, soothing, applications of the burp rag, and, naturally, the diaper changing (which, judging from their most vociferous screams, do not appear to be either Oliver or Charlie's favorite pastimes). Then there's the bathing which brings out the kind of baby screams that can likely be heard in the next zip code. And, for poor Laura, she must add into this ritual time for the regular pumping of breast milk. What fun!
But, just when you think you've hit your limit and exhaustion is about to declare victory, there are these amazing moments of calm. The calm within the chaos. It is in these moments that the nirvana of it all can be seen and felt. Often, these occur while the boys are feeding or in the moments immediately following. They are at peace and so are you. It is then that you have the luxury of taking that deep breath and staring at their tiny but gorgeously precise features. Remember, these babies are preemies so whatever image you have of newborns back them up a few weeks. What you have are facial features, for example, that are exquisitely perfect but absolutely miniature in dimension. I know that I have never seen such small noses or eyelids, or such divinely pursed lips. Their fingers are so tiny that if the fingers of one hand could be stretched wide I doubt they could span the width of two piano keys. And, their toes seem like nothing more than adorable afterthoughts.
So, yes, there is much "chaos" at play here if I may use that term loosely. But, for the most part, it is a quiet chaos if that makes any sense. And, what a grand way to start a new stage in one's life!
Here's to Laura and Jesse! And, here's to Oliver and Charlie!
Lily and I are witnessing first-hand a world gone mad, or, as I've suggested, chaos, having visited the world of Jesse and Laura. Here are two absolutely wonderful people -- our older son and daughter-in-law -- who have been living fabulous lives and whose careers have taken them from Denver to Quito to Mexico City. Living the dream some might say. But, on December 19 they were presented with new additions to their lives, twin sons Oliver and Charlie! Yes, having children is something billions of us go through and not just survive but feel that it thoroughly embellishes our lives. It surely provides us with an unmatchable lifetime experience. But twins? Well...that poses a whole set of challenges most folks never have to face, doesn't it?
It's been decades, of course, since Lily and I had to deal with the dramatic nuances and roller coaster adventures of being parents for the first time. But, having been introduced to grandparenthood for the first time four months ago courtesy of Katie and Alex, those moments of drama, and more importantly, the stresses and rollicking emotions of those early experiences were re-awakened through baby Owen's introduction to life on planet earth. And, with Owen, we witnessed the dislocation of the otherwise established rhythms of daily living to which Alex and Katie had grown so accustomed. You know, the sleep deprivation, the diaper changing, the seemingly endless demands for new supplies and equipment, the disruption of work schedules. And, did I mention sleep deprivation?
So, the chaos (again, if I may use that term) that greets new parents has fondly reached out to Laura and Jesse. In spades. Let's start with the most obvious challenge: who is who? During the term of the pregnancy, Laura and Jesse regularly referred to "baby A" and "baby B." Not that they were abstractions, mind you. It's just that there was no need to tell them apart. But, once having entered the world, all that has changed. And, remember, Oliver and Charlie are identical! Before leaving the hospital, they had the wisdom to paint a couple of Oliver's toenails red which was a great way to distinguish the two little guys. However, 98% of the time the two of them are all swaddled up or, at a minimum, wearing socks, so you can never see their feet! They also had different colored knit caps for each of them but that pattern quickly got messed up as Oliver and Charlie got whatever cap was within arm's reach.
Okay then, so when you're holding one of the babies in your arms and you say, "how YOU doin'?" you really can't be all that certain who you're talking to. Even with Oliver and Charlie passing the one month landmark, both parents not infrequently would not be sure who they were holding. Charlie's head is a bit longer from front to back, but since most of the time the two boys are wearing knit caps that clue isn't all that helpful. Lily believed she saw discernible nuances in a curve in Charlie's nose and a wrinkle in his ear, and she was often right in her identifying guesses. But...not always. I can't wait to see how this mini-drama develops.
Then there's the challenge of keeping the little guys on the same schedule. You have to do this since the alternative means being deprived of any sleep for perhaps the next two years. Not really tenable, right? In the case of Oliver and Charlie, this means getting the little guys up every three hours to feed them regardless of whether they may think of themselves as being hungry or not. During daylight hours this may not seem like an overwhelming burden, but at night? Every night? And, of course, it's not just a matter of awakening the little sleepers and sticking a bottle in their adorable mouths. Oh no. There's the associated burping, soothing, applications of the burp rag, and, naturally, the diaper changing (which, judging from their most vociferous screams, do not appear to be either Oliver or Charlie's favorite pastimes). Then there's the bathing which brings out the kind of baby screams that can likely be heard in the next zip code. And, for poor Laura, she must add into this ritual time for the regular pumping of breast milk. What fun!
But, just when you think you've hit your limit and exhaustion is about to declare victory, there are these amazing moments of calm. The calm within the chaos. It is in these moments that the nirvana of it all can be seen and felt. Often, these occur while the boys are feeding or in the moments immediately following. They are at peace and so are you. It is then that you have the luxury of taking that deep breath and staring at their tiny but gorgeously precise features. Remember, these babies are preemies so whatever image you have of newborns back them up a few weeks. What you have are facial features, for example, that are exquisitely perfect but absolutely miniature in dimension. I know that I have never seen such small noses or eyelids, or such divinely pursed lips. Their fingers are so tiny that if the fingers of one hand could be stretched wide I doubt they could span the width of two piano keys. And, their toes seem like nothing more than adorable afterthoughts.
So, yes, there is much "chaos" at play here if I may use that term loosely. But, for the most part, it is a quiet chaos if that makes any sense. And, what a grand way to start a new stage in one's life!
Here's to Laura and Jesse! And, here's to Oliver and Charlie!
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