Chaos x 2 = Nirvana

Chaos is a term we tend to throw around rather loosely.  Even thoughtlessly, you might say.  Just like I'm going to do right now. Normally, we use the term chaos to describe pandemonium or complete dishevelment, a situation so removed from our usual norms that we're at a loss as to how to cope with it.  Lord knows, we can all conjure up situations around the globe that give chaos its truest meaning, and I know you know what I mean.  But, in our own, mostly controlled, lives we very liberally call upon the term chaos to help describe hiccups in our normal life rhythms, although some hiccups are louder and more disruptive than others.

Lily and I are witnessing first-hand a world gone mad, or, as I've suggested, chaos, having visited the world of Jesse and Laura.  Here are two absolutely wonderful people -- our older son and daughter-in-law -- who have been living fabulous lives and whose careers have taken them from Denver to Quito to Mexico City.  Living the dream some might say.  But, on December 19 they were presented with new additions to their lives, twin sons Oliver and Charlie!  Yes, having children is something billions of us go through and not just survive but feel that it thoroughly embellishes our lives.  It surely provides us with an unmatchable lifetime experience.  But twins?  Well...that poses a whole set of challenges most folks never have to face, doesn't it?

It's been decades, of course, since Lily and I had to deal with the dramatic nuances and roller coaster adventures of being parents for the first time.  But, having been introduced to grandparenthood for the first time four months ago courtesy of Katie and Alex, those moments of drama, and more importantly, the stresses and rollicking emotions of those early experiences were re-awakened through baby Owen's introduction to life on planet earth.  And, with Owen, we witnessed the dislocation of the otherwise established rhythms of daily living to which Alex and Katie had grown so accustomed.  You know, the sleep deprivation, the diaper changing, the seemingly endless demands for new supplies and equipment, the disruption of work schedules.  And, did I mention sleep deprivation?

So, the chaos (again, if I may use that term) that greets new parents has fondly reached out to Laura and Jesse.  In spades.  Let's start with the most obvious challenge:  who is who?  During the term of the pregnancy, Laura and Jesse regularly referred to "baby A" and "baby B."  Not that they were abstractions, mind you.  It's just that there was no  need to tell them apart.  But, once having entered the world, all that has changed.  And, remember, Oliver and Charlie are identical!  Before leaving the hospital, they had the wisdom to paint a couple of Oliver's toenails red which was a great way to distinguish the two little guys.  However, 98% of the time the two of them are all swaddled up or, at a minimum, wearing socks, so you can never see their feet!  They also had different colored knit caps for each of them but that pattern quickly got messed up as Oliver and Charlie got whatever cap was within arm's reach.

Okay then, so when you're holding one of the babies in your arms and you say, "how YOU doin'?" you really can't be all that certain who you're talking to.  Even with Oliver and Charlie passing the one month landmark, both parents not infrequently would not be sure who they were holding.  Charlie's head is a bit longer from front to back, but since most of the time the two boys are wearing knit caps that clue isn't all that helpful.  Lily believed she saw discernible nuances in a curve in Charlie's nose and a wrinkle in his ear, and she was often right in her identifying guesses.  But...not always.  I can't wait to see how this mini-drama develops.

Then there's the challenge of keeping the little guys on the same schedule.  You have to do this since the alternative means being deprived of any sleep for perhaps the next two years.  Not really tenable, right?  In the case of Oliver and Charlie, this means getting the little guys up every three hours to feed them regardless of whether they may think of themselves as being hungry or not.  During daylight hours this may not seem like an overwhelming burden, but at night?  Every night?  And, of course, it's not just a matter of awakening the little sleepers and sticking a bottle in their adorable mouths.  Oh no.  There's the associated burping, soothing, applications of the burp rag, and, naturally, the diaper changing (which, judging from their most vociferous screams, do not appear to be either Oliver or Charlie's favorite pastimes).  Then there's the bathing which brings out the kind of baby screams that can likely be heard in the next zip code.  And, for poor Laura, she must add into this ritual time for the regular pumping of breast milk.  What fun!

But, just when you think you've hit your limit and exhaustion is about to declare victory, there are these amazing moments of calm.  The calm within the chaos.  It is in these moments that the nirvana of it all can be seen and felt.  Often, these occur while the boys are feeding or in the moments immediately following.  They are at peace and so are you.  It is then that you have the luxury of taking that deep breath and staring at their tiny but gorgeously precise features.  Remember, these babies are preemies so whatever image you have of newborns back them up a few weeks.  What you have are facial features, for example, that are exquisitely perfect but absolutely miniature in dimension.  I know that I have never seen such small noses or eyelids, or such divinely pursed lips.  Their fingers are so tiny that if the fingers of one hand could be stretched wide I doubt they could span the width of two piano keys.  And, their toes seem like nothing more than adorable afterthoughts.

So, yes, there is much "chaos" at play here if I may use that term loosely.  But, for the most part, it is a quiet chaos if that makes any sense.  And, what a grand way to start a new stage in one's life!

Here's to Laura and Jesse!  And, here's to Oliver and Charlie!