All Politics is Local, Right?

Health care reform wasn’t on the table. Neither were troop levels in Afghanistan. Ditto for global warming. Other, more weighty, matters were in the forefront. Like, where to put the next cross walk. And, whether speed limits on local streets should be uniform. And, whether rental property signs announcing to renters rules on maximum occupancy should be conspicuously posted within 15 feet of the front door. And, most importantly to me, the issue of whether dogs might be allowed more off-leash time on the beach during the off-season. Such were the issues du jour for the intrepid members of the Isle of Palms City Council last night. For me, my first glimpse into the local political arena, and judging from the healthy crowd in the hearing room, I knew I was not alone in my intense interest in something that would be of absolutely no consequence anywhere else on planet earth.

The councilmen, mostly white men with a smattering of women, plodded on trying to muster as much dignity as they could to offset the impossibly trivial matters they believed ruled their personal universes. Mostly, they wore suits -- a brave gesture in the overheated hearing room. Their body language was worth noting as well. Like the frustrated guy who never opened his mouth while all around him others were flapping theirs. Finally, in what I sensed was a spontaneous outburst to show he was a player to be reckoned with, his remarks were greeted by vacant stares from the semi-circular panel as if they were thinking, “Did he really say that?”

The measure on speed limits was tabled for want of more research on the matter. Why am I thinking the Brookings Institution will not be invited to opine on this one? The measure on posting maximum occupancy signs in rental properties was met with thinly veiled sarcasm by one Council guy who wondered whether the police ought to be fitted with new belts that would accommodate a tape measure so they could get into the business of measuring whether the signs were, in fact, posted within 15 feet of the front door. And, oh yes, the Council decided unanimously to approve a sole source contract to a guy who does the fireworks show for the July 4th celebration. What? Why? I’m thinking there may be an extra firecracker in these guys’ stocking this Christmas, if you get my drift.

And, the dog measure? Passed in a breeze. “Island friendly, “ they called it.

As for my future at local political events, I’m sensing a possible write-in campaign for me: "Golland for City Council. Maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed, but a guy who's likely to amuse us."

Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?